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Manipulators Move Goal Posts

Have you ever found yourself celebrating a victory only to find your boss, coach or spouse telling you that you didn’t score, you missed the mark and “you’re crazy…I never said that!” It can leave you feeling confused, defeated and increases your self-doubt. Here’s the inside scoop: MANIPULATORS MOVE THE GOAL POSTS.

With a straight face or intense/angry approach but always in a very convincing way, they change the rules and rewards, and then blame you for not achieving the goal. In the world of abuse, this is called “gas lighting.” It’s a very common practice by unhealthy people who want to gain power and control over others.

Two Tips for recognizing this unhealthy behavior:
* Take written notes of expectations & rewards and refer back to them.

* Don’t assume you fumbled, are at fault, not smart enough or any other negative self-image. Manipulators will work to keep you in that position so they can have power and control over you. They keep you guessing and always trying to “win” their approval. A game you can never win.

By learning to recognize this behavior you can prevent and stop this no-win situation.

Set clear expectations, write them down (add specific dates and comments), make sure everyone is in agreement and hold people accountable by going back to your notes. Written notes help us clearly see if this is a repeated pattern of behavior.

And…please remember to celebrate the victories! Honor when the established rules are followed and the rewards for the successes are given. It goes a long way to building trust with others and productive outcomes.

ENLIGHTEN. EMPOWER. END.

See more at https://abigailgmanning.com/about/
#goalposts #manipulator #badboss

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Is TOXIC CULTURE a real thing?

Often people ask what is a toxic culture and do we really have a problem with it here in the United States. I believe facts speak for themselves so…here they are. On an average year:

* 2 million people are physically attacked at work

* 6 million people are threatened

* 16 million people are harassed causing injury, illness or emotional distress

Even harder to measure, the “ba-zillions” of employees who are not supported & empowered and feel emotionally discouraged and become less innovative and productive.

You bet toxic cultures exist! We’ve become so used to them, we hardly recognize them as unhealthy.

We can do better!

I create Authentically Healthy Cultures. Contact me to learn how to properly assess and transform your culture into a thriving and prosperous environment!

* Sources: OSHA, BLS, NIOSH, DOJ & Nater Associates hashtag#culturehashtag#toxicityhashtag#empowerhashtag#prosperity

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Empower Young Adults

Join me in empowering Young Adults on Saturday, January 5th @ 11am – 3pm in Denver, Colorado. This dynamic workshop is being supported by Brian McDevitt Sandler Training Denver. I’ll be joining Brian to teach “Navigating Differences” to help young adults successfully:

Recognize Unhealthy Behaviors

See the Patterns and Cycles

Draw Healthy Boundary Lines

Click Here to Register

Sandler Training is a global training leader whose mission is your success. Brian specializes in sales team development…and like me, cares about our youth.

Please contact me if your high school, college/university, youth group, organization or business would like to bring this program to your young adults.

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Authentic Health…Building Relationships with Trust

Authentic Health…building relationships with trust. When you’ve experienced betrayal (haven’t we all to one degree or another?!) then you know how hard it can be to be vulnerable and trusting. If we look closely enough, we can see the scared and pained feelings that are buried in people’s (or dogs!) faces, body language and especially their eyes. Living in a healthy way means we learn from the past and bravely keep moving forward with the productive life lessons learned.

If we’ve all been hurt, wounded or betrayed (abuse is the ultimate betrayal of trust) then we can walk through the world with the negative vision of fear, mistrust, hurt, woundedness…OR…we can decide those experiences are not going to limit us by losing out on incredible, rewarding and meaningful relationships. With learning healthy trust, we open doors where we can clearly see others and they can clearly see us for the amazingness we all have. With these emotional doors open, you have hope, positivity and clarity freely flowing between you and the world.

TRUST is built by living, acting and speaking with Truth. Respect. Unity. Safety. Transparency.

I believe in you and your ability to flourish in healthy ways. Keep moving forward with TRUST for yourself and as an example to others. One person can lead the way to building trusting relationships by extending a brave hand in kindness.  

Please share to encourage others…now, go out there and build rock-solid, trusting relationships. You’re going to be glad you did!

ENLIGHTEN. EMPOWER. END.

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PODCAST: Calendar Advice & Insights To Recognizing Domestic Abuse

What happens when you mix an “Awareness Creator” with a “Change Agent?” A lively conversation! Mickie Zada and I chat on this PODCAST about “calendar” advice, why people who have been abused live in isolation by not speaking their truth, insights to recognizing domestic abuse, not looking outside of yourself for validation, moving on after spending years protecting a spouse’s image, shine in your own unique ways, and so much more! 

Listen in here!

https://survivingabusenetwork.com/abuse-is-defined-as-repeated-mistreatment/

 
#abuse #domesticabuse #domesticviolence #awareness
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How Do Mistreated People Cope?

Until we know the positive and pro-active steps we can take to remove un-health in our lives…we rely on coping. Coping outcomes are learned behaviors that we all do in order to deal with hurt, hardships, mistreatments, trauma and abuse. It’s our way of getting through the day. Pushing down the pain and disappointments. When people are mistreated they have to deal the big range of emotions and feelings as well as the negative outcomes that spring from the harm and hurt put on them. When people experience repeated mistreatment, it is even  harder to cope because it has crossed the line into the world of abuse. To help make it more easy to recognize, I define abuse as, “Repeated mistreatment, where one person uses manipulations to gain and maintain power and control over another person.” 

Here are some insights and examples of coping. 

* Before a mistreated or an abused person gets the professional help they so richly deserve, they often suffer silently for years or a lifetime. Often a mistreated person moves through life believing the abuser’s lies and take them on as truth which greatly limits their ability to reach their best-self life and worse, they self-sabotage.

* Many go down a path of masking their pain with addictions of alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex/prostitution/porn and less obvious ones of food/overeating for emotional comfort and overspending/shopping for a hit of short-lived happy feelings.

* Many follow a different path of taking their anger, hurt and resentment out on others through violence, shootings and more abuse…the cycle continues and grows by harming another person and the next generation.

* Many people feel alone and believe the mistreatment is their fault and struggle with depression, mental illness and attempt suicide rather than speaking up.

* Feeling hopeless and worthless often produces lifestyle choices that lead some victims of abuse to criminal behavior. Often criminal behavior is done as a financial means to pay for their coping tool of addictions. By some statistics, more than 1/3 of inmates reported being abused as a child. I believe this number is much higher!

* If someone you know has an addiction, depression, mental illness or thoughts of suicide, please let them know they are not alone and you care. Those healing and supportive words can save a life! Then follow up by having them get in touch with a counselor, hotline, crisis center or 911 if it is an emergency.

* If YOU are feeling any of the above, you can always call 911, a crisis center, suicide hotline or if not an emergency, please know you can contact me. I care about you. You are not alone! We have a network of talented folks who we partner with on the topics of addictions, suicide, PTS, and more. I want you to get support from quality professionals. You deserve hope, happiness and health!

I am committed to working with organizations to create healthy lives for all people. My goal is instead of reacting with coping…we learn the skillset for responding with healthy behaviors for positive outcomes.

Please contact me to learn more through our workshops, training and consulting! 

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How Do I Protect Myself & My Loved Ones?

Protect with Awareness…Education…Action. First step is awareness and recognizing what abusive and unhealthy behaviors look like, sound like, feel like and their negative impact. Second step is education on how to safely end the cycles. Third step is action to prevent future forms of un-wellness in yourself and the relationships around you by speaking up, looking within, and taking positive action. Here are more insights…

* Learn to spot unhealthy behaviors when they are small…BEFORE they turn into big and repeated acts/words of abuse.

* Recognize different forms of unhealthy behaviors. It is easy to be confused about what abuse is, especially when we hear different terms in the news. This over-arching topic takes on many forms including child abuse, stalking, bullying, sexual harassment, domestic violence, neglect, etc. The names are different but the actions are the same: Repeated Mistreatment.

* Know where to look for abusive behaviors and language. Abuse happens in everyday settings that most of us would assume are safe for everyone including homes, companies/work, schools, athletic teams, elderly care facilities, religious institutions and doctor offices. Long story short…it can happen in any location where there are people! That’s why it’s so important that we are well informed and don’t make assumptions that we or those we care about, are always in a safe environment. Keep your eyes and ears open.

* By sharing a common understanding of abuse and a united goal of safety for all…we can and will protect each other.

Please consider a private coaching session with us to create your personal in-depth awareness and empowerment in creating an abuse-free life for yourself and those you love. Workshops are also available.

https://abigailgmanning.com/
ENLIGHTEN. EMPOWER. END.

#abuse #authentichealth #hope #awareness

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Confidence is Courage in Action

Please listen in to Jess Dewell and my video conversation as it appeared live. We talk about:

  • Growth & Strategy 
  • Confidence in Self & Confidence in Team
  • Confidence is Courage in Action…that proves anything is achievable.
    • Adding to the podcast: Confidence is built by all the times you used an ounce of courage to face something new, difficult or out of your league. I recommend using past successes as a reminder that you’ve faced other challenges and succeeded and even if you didn’t succeed, the “failure” or horrible experience you had to endure, didn’t kill you…you actually learned and grew from it. With each step taken with courage, you become stronger and wiser. When you are stronger and wiser you have more and more confidence to keep taking steps toward your best-self and achieving your biggest goals!
  • Blindspots Can Make You Blindsided. Why we need an Accountability Buddy!

I would love to hear your feedback to this podcast as well as your ideas and recommendations for growth, courage, confidence and seeing your blindspots.

#VBBRadio #courage #confidence #AuthenticHealth #Blindspots #leadership

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Why Does Abuse Continue To Happen?

When you don’t know the codes and cycles, all forms of abuse (sexual harassment, verbal mistreatment, child abuse, neglect, domestic violence, bullying, etc.) are very complex, confusing and hard to see…even when they are happening right in front of you! Here are some ways to recognize and understand abusive behaviors.

* Abuse grows when abusers use tools of manipulation (isolation, fear, shame, brainwashing, etc.) to assert their power and control while keeping their victim scared, silent and stuck in darkness.

* The abuser makes the victim feel alone, afraid, “crazy” and unable to leave the relationship.

* As a society, we are often fooled by the outward, successful image projected by the abuser.

* Plus, we don’t want to talk about such nasty deeds so we chose to not believe it. It’s almost too much to bear thinking this is happening to our innocent children, elderly neighbors, close friends, sports heroes and beloved family. It’s why society doesn’t openly talk about abuse, and worse, puts the doubt and shame on the victim.

We have the ability and responsibility to understand the codes and cycles to prevent and end them in our own lives as well as in those around us. I can teach you and your organization how!

By learning and joining together, we create a pro-active and positive community of caring people. Let’s end the un-healthy cycles and create a healthy and happy environment for everyone!

Learn more about our positive and pro-active workshops, coaching and speaking events.
https://abigailgmanning.com/
ENLIGHTEN. EMPOWER. END.

#abuse #authentichealth #hope #awareness