Until we know the positive and pro-active steps we can take to remove un-health in our lives…we rely on coping. Coping outcomes are learned behaviors that we all do in order to deal with hurt, hardships, mistreatments, trauma and abuse. It’s our way of getting through the day. Pushing down the pain and disappointments. When people are mistreated they have to deal the big range of emotions and feelings as well as the negative outcomes that spring from the harm and hurt put on them. When people experience repeated mistreatment, it is even harder to cope because it has crossed the line into the world of abuse. To help make it more easy to recognize, I define abuse as, “Repeated mistreatment, where one person uses manipulations to gain and maintain power and control over another person.”
Here are some insights and examples of coping.
* Before a mistreated or an abused person gets the professional help they so richly deserve, they often suffer silently for years or a lifetime. Often a mistreated person moves through life believing the abuser’s lies and take them on as truth which greatly limits their ability to reach their best-self life and worse, they self-sabotage.
* Many go down a path of masking their pain with addictions of alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex/prostitution/porn and less obvious ones of food/overeating for emotional comfort and overspending/shopping for a hit of short-lived happy feelings.
* Many follow a different path of taking their anger, hurt and resentment out on others through violence, shootings and more abuse…the cycle continues and grows by harming another person and the next generation.
* Many people feel alone and believe the mistreatment is their fault and struggle with depression, mental illness and attempt suicide rather than speaking up.
* Feeling hopeless and worthless often produces lifestyle choices that lead some victims of abuse to criminal behavior. Often criminal behavior is done as a financial means to pay for their coping tool of addictions. By some statistics, more than 1/3 of inmates reported being abused as a child. I believe this number is much higher!
* If someone you know has an addiction, depression, mental illness or thoughts of suicide, please let them know they are not alone and you care. Those healing and supportive words can save a life! Then follow up by having them get in touch with a counselor, hotline, crisis center or 911 if it is an emergency.
* If YOU are feeling any of the above, you can always call 911, a crisis center, suicide hotline or if not an emergency, please know you can contact me. I care about you. You are not alone! We have a network of talented folks who we partner with on the topics of addictions, suicide, PTS, and more. I want you to get support from quality professionals. You deserve hope, happiness and health!
I am committed to working with organizations to create healthy lives for all people. My goal is instead of reacting with coping…we learn the skillset for responding with healthy behaviors for positive outcomes.
Please contact me to learn more through our workshops, training and consulting!
Protect with Awareness…Education…Action. First step is awareness and recognizing what abusive and unhealthy behaviors look like, sound like, feel like and their negative impact. Second step is education on how to safely end the cycles. Third step is action to prevent future forms of un-wellness in yourself and the relationships around you by speaking up, looking within, and taking positive action. Here are more insights…
* Learn to spot unhealthy behaviors when they are small…BEFORE they turn into big and repeated acts/words of abuse.
* Recognize different forms of unhealthy behaviors. It is easy to be confused about what abuse is, especially when we hear different terms in the news. This over-arching topic takes on many forms including child abuse, stalking, bullying, sexual harassment, domestic violence, neglect, etc. The names are different but the actions are the same: Repeated Mistreatment.
* Know where to look for abusive behaviors and language. Abuse happens in everyday settings that most of us would assume are safe for everyone including homes, companies/work, schools, athletic teams, elderly care facilities, religious institutions and doctor offices. Long story short…it can happen in any location where there are people! That’s why it’s so important that we are well informed and don’t make assumptions that we or those we care about, are always in a safe environment. Keep your eyes and ears open.
* By sharing a common understanding of abuse and a united goal of safety for all…we can and will protect each other.
Please consider a private coaching session with us to create your personal in-depth awareness and empowerment in creating an abuse-free life for yourself and those you love. Workshops are also available.
ENLIGHTEN. EMPOWER. END.
Please listen in to Jess Dewell and my video conversation as it appeared live. We talk about:
- Growth & Strategy
- Confidence in Self & Confidence in Team
- Confidence is Courage in Action…that proves anything is achievable.
- Adding to the podcast: Confidence is built by all the times you used an ounce of courage to face something new, difficult or out of your league. I recommend using past successes as a reminder that you’ve faced other challenges and succeeded and even if you didn’t succeed, the “failure” or horrible experience you had to endure, didn’t kill you…you actually learned and grew from it. With each step taken with courage, you become stronger and wiser. When you are stronger and wiser you have more and more confidence to keep taking steps toward your best-self and achieving your biggest goals!
- Blindspots Can Make You Blindsided. Why we need an Accountability Buddy!
I would love to hear your feedback to this podcast as well as your ideas and recommendations for growth, courage, confidence and seeing your blindspots.
#VBBRadio #courage #confidence #AuthenticHealth #Blindspots #leadership
When you don’t know the codes and cycles, all forms of abuse (sexual harassment, verbal mistreatment, child abuse, neglect, domestic violence, bullying, etc.) are very complex, confusing and hard to see…even when they are happening right in front of you! Here are some ways to recognize and understand abusive behaviors.
* Abuse grows when abusers use tools of manipulation (isolation, fear, shame, brainwashing, etc.) to assert their power and control while keeping their victim scared, silent and stuck in darkness.
* The abuser makes the victim feel alone, afraid, “crazy” and unable to leave the relationship.
* As a society, we are often fooled by the outward, successful image projected by the abuser.
* Plus, we don’t want to talk about such nasty deeds so we chose to not believe it. It’s almost too much to bear thinking this is happening to our innocent children, elderly neighbors, close friends, sports heroes and beloved family. It’s why society doesn’t openly talk about abuse, and worse, puts the doubt and shame on the victim.
We have the ability and responsibility to understand the codes and cycles to prevent and end them in our own lives as well as in those around us. I can teach you and your organization how!
By learning and joining together, we create a pro-active and positive community of caring people. Let’s end the un-healthy cycles and create a healthy and happy environment for everyone!
Learn more about our positive and pro-active workshops, coaching and speaking events.
ENLIGHTEN. EMPOWER. END.
Our Voices Matter: I experienced Domestic Violence, the awful aftermath including PTS and the arduous climb out of the deep, dark pit so I could stand strong on the solid ground of Authentic Health. Creating awareness on all forms of abuse, including DV, is so important to me because I care about people and want healthy lives for us all!
Being scared but knowing my voice matters and is helpful to others, a year ago I publicly told my story for the first time. With the attitude of “go big or go home” I shared it with over 300 people as the keynote speaker at The Crisis Center’s Gala.
October is Domestic Violence awareness month. Please consider how you can help create awareness, prevention and ending the cycles of abuse. Here are some ideas:
* Donate TIME or MONEY to a Crisis Center/Shelter and other organizations who focus on health and well-being.
* Be a SAFE PERSON for others to openly share their relationship concerns and problems. Being safe means you are not judgemental or finger-pointing or disbelieving their experiences. You don’t have to have the answers. You just need an open ear and a kind heart. Feeling alone and afraid of other’s negative opinion/ judgment are the top reasons why the abused don’t reach out and get the support they need and deserve. Consider this…strong people don’t like appearing or feeling weak. Insecure people can’t risk hearing “you should have” statements because they are already beating themselves up. Please make it safe for all personality types to confide in you.
* Be BRAVE. Share your hurt, abuse, hardships with someone you trust. Trust is key and built over time with shared experiences that you work hard to secure and safeguard. I teach that trust in our relationships is where there is mutual: Truth. Respect. Unity. Safety. Transparency.
* Find RESOURCES and gather KNOWLEDGE on the warning signs. DV is a clear cycle that experts can identify. Abusers are predators who look for easy prey. None of us ever think we are easy prey, however we all can be preyed upon. We all have our own definitions of what’s accepted as “normal” based on our life experiences and influenced by our wounds and insecurities. We need to heal and address those issues so we can move into the security of being Authentically Healthy and protect ourselves and those around us.
Your voice and life experiences truly do matter! You deserve to be healthy and happy!
I care about you and want to be of support to you and those you care about. My workshops, speaking events and coaching explain how to identify and pro-actively become our best-safest-happiest selves. For more information or to bring our programs to your work/life, please contact me.
ENLIGHTEN. EMPOWER. END.
Mike Domitrz is a leading national authority on dating safety having dedicated himself to teaching others about sexual assault, sexual abuse and related topics through his Date Safe Project. This podcast is my second guest appearance with him and this time we’re talking about Triggers, Healthy Boundary Lines and how to secure and safeguard Authentic Health. I would love to hear your feedback!
Also, please share your answers to my questions in this podcast of “Is this going to propel me forward to the vision I have for my life? Is this going to make me a better person tomorrow than I am today or is this unhealthy?”
I care about you! Please reach out and let me know how you are doing as well as what type of information would best help and be of service to you.
Click below to listen in on the conversation!
You like to read more than listen?! No problem! Here is the transcript (with some typos but you get the gist of the conversation!)
MEET ME AT THE SUMMIT! I’m delighted to be one of 45 speakers sharing our insights, research and empowering tips to make this a better world. The summit is to help everyone with Emotional Abuse Recovery and Resilience. Monday, September 3rd my interview airs. “Finger-pointing: No Room for Blame or Shame When Building Authentic Health”
Starting 9/1, all interviews are FREE daily when aired. Permanent All-Access Pass purchased by 9/2 is $197 and increases to $397.
Click the link below to take advantage of this amazing savings and powerful information!