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How Do Mistreated People Cope?

Until we know the positive and pro-active steps we can take to remove un-health in our lives…we rely on coping. Coping outcomes are learned behaviors that we all do in order to deal with hurt, hardships, mistreatments, trauma and abuse. It’s our way of getting through the day. Pushing down the pain and disappointments. When people are mistreated they have to deal the big range of emotions and feelings as well as the negative outcomes that spring from the harm and hurt put on them. When people experience repeated mistreatment, it is even  harder to cope because it has crossed the line into the world of abuse. To help make it more easy to recognize, I define abuse as, “Repeated mistreatment, where one person uses manipulations to gain and maintain power and control over another person.” 

Here are some insights and examples of coping. 

* Before a mistreated or an abused person gets the professional help they so richly deserve, they often suffer silently for years or a lifetime. Often a mistreated person moves through life believing the abuser’s lies and take them on as truth which greatly limits their ability to reach their best-self life and worse, they self-sabotage.

* Many go down a path of masking their pain with addictions of alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex/prostitution/porn and less obvious ones of food/overeating for emotional comfort and overspending/shopping for a hit of short-lived happy feelings.

* Many follow a different path of taking their anger, hurt and resentment out on others through violence, shootings and more abuse…the cycle continues and grows by harming another person and the next generation.

* Many people feel alone and believe the mistreatment is their fault and struggle with depression, mental illness and attempt suicide rather than speaking up.

* Feeling hopeless and worthless often produces lifestyle choices that lead some victims of abuse to criminal behavior. Often criminal behavior is done as a financial means to pay for their coping tool of addictions. By some statistics, more than 1/3 of inmates reported being abused as a child. I believe this number is much higher!

* If someone you know has an addiction, depression, mental illness or thoughts of suicide, please let them know they are not alone and you care. Those healing and supportive words can save a life! Then follow up by having them get in touch with a counselor, hotline, crisis center or 911 if it is an emergency.

* If YOU are feeling any of the above, you can always call 911, a crisis center, suicide hotline or if not an emergency, please know you can contact me. I care about you. You are not alone! We have a network of talented folks who we partner with on the topics of addictions, suicide, PTS, and more. I want you to get support from quality professionals. You deserve hope, happiness and health!

I am committed to working with organizations to create healthy lives for all people. My goal is instead of reacting with coping…we learn the skillset for responding with healthy behaviors for positive outcomes.

Please contact me to learn more through our workshops, training and consulting! 

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Mental Health Awareness

Mental Health is often a topic we avoid discussing, reading about or asking…how does this apply to my life?! Thankfully there are people like Aimee J and her Chasing Dreams podcast who do a fantastic job of having the pro-active, positive and frank conversations on Mental Health and how it relates to our lives. Please listen in to her and my podcast conversation and read her show-notes below. I would love to know how this chat resonates with you! 

 

https://aimeej21.com/ep-141-abigail-manning-%C2%AD-building-authentic-health-to-end-abuse-in-your-life/

Aimee J’s Show-Notes:

How would you define “abuse”? Unfortunately, such a stigma exists around the idea of abuse, how it occurs, and what it entails, that people are afraid to even talk about it. The truth is that many people have some sort of abuse either in their past or in their present. This conversation is another way to honor and recognize Mental Health Awareness Month. I’m thrilled to bring you another expert, who has amazing things to teach us today!

Abigail Manning is creating awareness on authentic health, which prevents and ends ALL forms of abuse. She has done five years of research on abuse and is an Indiana University Communications double major in cognitive, social, and behavioral theories. Combining her academic background with her personal experience with childhood abuse and domestic violence, she provides unique and transformative workshops and speeches that truly empower others.

The Mental Health Stigma

Do you know someone who suffers from mental illness? As more and more people are affected by backgrounds of abuse and depression, we must realize that ANYONE can suffer from mental illness. Common responses might be, “It doesn’t happen in MY family; it doesn’t happen to strong people; it doesn’t happen to smart people.” Mental health is simply a topic that we don’t talk about. Abigail’s focus is on “Authentic Health.” Depression can be a product of past abuse and can be linked to other things. Whatever the circumstance, it takes ownership to work past the struggles. Abigail tells us why the words we use really matter in getting the help we need and deserve.

TWEET: People choose #addictions to mask their feelings and sometimes see suicide as the only way out. @abigailgmanning #chasingdreams

Helpful Words

What are the words that a struggling person needs to hear? How about “I believe you and I care about you. Let’s get you some qualified help.” Abigail’s advice is to find a trusted person and don’t let yourself become isolated. Use language that feels comfortable to you and don’t be afraid to ask for help and resources. It’s hard to look someone in the eye and reveal that you’re struggling with mental health. Find phone resources that can help. Abigail’s workshops are designed to help any group navigate through all forms of abuse and build a pathway to Authentic Health. Perpetrators want nothing more than to take your power and control. If you are strong, then no one can take that from you.

TWEET: The #1 thing an abuser or perpetrator wants to take from you is CONTROL. @abigailgmanning #chasingdreams

How to Look for Bullying Behavior

Have you seen bullying behavior on social media? It’s all around us in different forms. Abigail has a “purple threads” theory, showing how bullying behavior gets reinforced, either positively or negatively. She teaches people verbal skills so they don’t have to hide. Most people aren’t even aware of what abuse really is, and even though it is complicated, it’s easy to spot if you simplify the definition. Look for a repeated cycle of any psychological, verbal, physical, sexual, or financial abuse. It takes work to strengthen yourself and become aware of abusive behavior, but Abigail can teach you how to spot the red flags in any relationship.

TWEET: Don’t go it alone. Find the qualified help you need. @abigailgmanning #chasingdreams

OUTLINE OF THIS EPISODE:

  • [:22]  The importance of mental health
  • [2:31] The power of words
  • [3:36] How addictions mask our feelings
  • [5:39] Places to find help
  • [7:16] Abigail’s work on a national scale
  • [9:04] Going into schools and workplaces with help for the abused and the abusers
  • [13:04] Is abuse a socioeconomic issue?[
  • [14:59] Bullying
  • [19:56] What financial abuse is: using money for power and control
  • [21:19] The different forms of abuse
  • [26:19] Ways to strengthen yourself to prevent abuse
  • [33:11] The ripple effect