PART FOUR: GAIN AND MAINTAIN POWER AND CONTROL
We define abuse as…”Repeated mistreatment, where one person uses manipulations to gain and maintain power and control over another person.”
For unhealthy people, the biggest commodity isn’t money, fame or status…it is Power and Control. They desire Power and Control over everything in their life including other people. They never want to be the underdog or abused, harassed or mistreated by others so they adopt a “the best defense is a good offense” mentality. By using manipulations they take away your Power and Control so they can dominate over you and you can’t be a threat or an obstacle to them getting their way. It’s a negative form of self-protection that is based on a deep-seated feeling of unworthiness. Often the need to self-protect, even for the harasser/abuser, is based on personal experience with trauma, hardships, abuse, or overt life challenges. What they really want is a deep feeling of self-worth. When they don’t have the skillset to obtain true self-worth, they often use their money, fame or status as bullying tools to get what they truly want….Power and Control over their own lives and confidence in their worthiness…all part of what we call “Authentic Health.”
Feeling a lack of Power & Control stems from unhealthy thinking which includes:
* Never Again Mentality
* Limited Supply Beliefs
* What Mirror Are You Looking Into?
Building Authentic Health means no one can ever take away or diminish our own Power & Control. Here’s how:
* Protect with Health Boundary Lines (HBL)
* Pull Purple Threads & Push Flip-A-Dip! (Turning negative self-talk into positive reinforcement.)
* Promise to SELF (Secure. Ethical. Loving. Fearless.)
* Practice Strength (Self-Aware, Self-Check, Self-Control & Self-Less) where you learn to calmly and confidently Respond vs React out of fear, anger or intimidation. (Fight/Flight/Freeze)
Contact us to learn how to build and strengthen your Authentic Health. When you have Authentic Health you own your Power & Control…and no one can take it from you!
Everyone deserves to live free of harm, harassment, and un-health. Everyone deserves to be their best self and live a life of health and happiness. We can show you how!
Jess Dewell, the bubbly host of Voice of Bold Business Radio, invited me on her show to have a conversation on how to Build Awareness & Act! I truly enjoyed our conversation and the opportunity to explain my ideas and theories including how to create Authentic Health, throwing out the measuring stick of “normal” and pulling Purple Threads.
What You Will Hear:
- Awareness, empathy and a unique view of the world.
- Throw away the measuring stick we use as our normal.
- What to do when someone puts walls up and stops conversations.
- Purple Threads are lies that other people have told us, limiting statements.
- The ‘I am’ mirror exercise finds Purple Threads.
- Abigail’s acronym for T.R.U.S.T.
- Rebuilding trust when it’s broken is tricky.
Notable & Quotable:
- Abigail Manning: I can understand simplicity, it integrates better into life.
- Abigail Manning: On the inside, you can’t lie to yourself.
- Abigail Manning: Throw away a preconceived notion of normal based on your circumstances versus who you are, what ability you have, and who you dream yourself to be.
- Jess Dewell: Awareness allows us to create a place of safety for yourself and others.
- Abigail Manning: Find the threads of unworthiness and rip them out.
- Abigail Manning: When you are a person of power and authority, what you say is believed.
- Abigail Manning: Find the goodness in each person, and connect on that goodness.
- Jess Dewell: We don’t see the impact we have on other people after we are out of a situation.
- Abigail Manning: Look at a person’s behavior (actions)…not the words.
Click here to listen in!
If this conversation resonates with you, please comment or share this video to help spread the message. Enlighten. Empower. End.
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True personal story. When I was in 5th grade, I found sheer joy running hurdles in track and field. Hurdles came to me naturally by combining the leaping grace from ballet and the sheer power of gymnastics, two sports I did since basically birth. The gym teacher watched me and could see I was unaware of my talent so she took extra time to encourage and coach me. On the 6th graders’ Field Day, she had me run in the hurdle races against those big, scary, older kids. I won. She then signed me up to run at a 7th and 8th grade track meet, being held at the local high school. I was excited to have my eldest sister drive me and off we went in our family’s white, all metal, no seat-belts, station wagon…Ol’ Betsy the Tank. As we walked closer to the track, the hurdles grew and grew and grew. They were not grade school size but high school size which appeared almost double in height over anything I had ever jumped. As I walked to the start line to do a warm-up, I looked down a long row of what appeared to be solid brick walls that felt almost as tall as me.
It’s times like this experience, you have several options. First option, claim stomach problems and run to the bathroom where you hide until the race is over. Second option, let the fear psych you out. You don’t believe in yourself, so you half-heartedly run the race and crash into every hurdle. You limp away with bruised shins and ego…and never try again. Third option, tell that negative-nelly-voice in your head to go back to the station wagon. Then with an ounce of courage, just start running. Remembering the hard work during the hours you committed to training, you trust your body will take you where the mind can’t believe. Like most of my life, I did the last option. In a storage box in my garage, I still have the first place, blue ribbons from that day.
Continue reading Hurdling Through Life
3183 miles by car. 1661 miles by airplane. 100 or so miles by horse, bike, run and hike. 6 National Parks. 2 Large Cities. 1 amazing cross country adventure from the east coast to the west coast. For the first time in over 25 years, I took a three week break from responsibility. No work. No computer. No email. No social media. No phone call or text from anyone other than those in my Sacred Circle (what I call my family and closest of friends.) I experienced deep meaningful, life changing talks. Belly aching laughs. Amateur photographer’s delight in trying to capture the natural wonders. I find Mother Earth hides the awe of her majestic beauty from the limiting camera lens, which is her way of encouraging us to get out and see it with our own eyes.
Life is that way. We can read about something and learn from it but until we really experience it firsthand…see it, taste it, smell it and touch it so deeply you get dirt under your fingernails from it….it’s hard to really understand it and see how it can have a personal impact on you. I learn the best when I’m in the middle of it. If I close my mouth and open my eyes, ears and mind…that’s when real insights and understanding occur. Once I learn something, I like sharing it with my family, friends, clients and for that matter, anyone who’s interested. I’m a helper, not a hurter…so I’m in the process of writing a book to help others recognize and understand abuse and then ultimately how to end abuse in their lives once and for all. Kinda heavy stuff for me personally as I experienced childhood abuse by both of my parents and domestic violence as an adult. As I write about the really hard stuff, it’s easy to be triggered by memories. I can feel hurt over the verbal and emotional abusive “limiting statements” including my mother’s top three most consistently used on me: my unattractive physical appearance, who are you to shine and my lacking intellectual capacity. For example, since early grade school until just this past Christmas I have been told by her “You are stupid…you NEVER could spell…it’s a miracle you passed Spanish, you just couldn’t get it….it’s shocking you’ve been able to run a company all these years…” etc. These were told to me over and over and over again until I absolutely believed the statements to be truth. I deeply believed I wasn’t very smart or overly capable in this world or would ever be good enough. My skin often became thin over the topic of feeling stupid or fear of being exposed as dumb. I would hold a stiff-upper-lip, and later cry when I was alone. I also experienced a lifetime of physical intimidation and abuse by my parents, an unrelenting furnace fueled by their anger, hurt and hate. I had emotional wounds that ran so deep the scars were noticeable, if you know where to look. From an outside perspective, I was doing well in life but internally, I was daily fighting off the heaviness of overwhelm, fear and doubt that was ingrained from the abuse.
Continue reading Insights to Life: Sequoia Style