Tag: unhealthy

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Newest Podcast on: Triggers, Boundaries & Authentic Health

Mike Domitrz is a leading national authority on dating safety having dedicated himself to teaching others about sexual assault, sexual abuse and related topics through his Date Safe Project. This podcast is my second guest appearance with him and this time we’re talking about Triggers, Healthy Boundary Lines and how to secure and safeguard Authentic Health.  I would love to hear your feedback!

Also, please share your answers to my questions in this podcast of  “Is this going to propel me forward to the vision I have for my life? Is this going to make me a better person tomorrow than I am today or is this unhealthy?”

I care about you! Please reach out and let me know how you are doing as well as what type of information would best help and be of service to you.

Click below to listen in on the conversation! 

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/15-abigail-manning-on-triggers-boundaries-authentic/id1403629612?i=1000419558802&mt=2

You like to read more than listen?! No problem! Here is the transcript (with some typos but you get the gist of the conversation!)

*LINKS*
https://abigailgmanning.com
https://www.facebook.com/abigailgmanning
https://twitter.com/AbigailGManning

Continue reading Newest Podcast on: Triggers, Boundaries & Authentic Health

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Stand Up & Say Something

Have you tried stand up paddle boarding? I’ve done it on small lakes, a large ocean and even through some Colorado river rapids…that got my heart beating fast! The acronym for stand up paddle boarding is SUP, which is about as straightforward of a name as you can get! You literally stand up on the board and navigate on the water by using a long handled paddle. You need to be aware of what’s around you because trust me, you don’t want to fall into Lake Dillion where the water is 46 degrees by the warmest part of summer. Brrr! However, with very little instruction, I’m confident everyone can stand up and feel the rush of self-empowerment as you glide over the water.

Why don’t we stand up more often in other parts of our life? For example, when we are in an unhealthy friendship or see a friend in a rocky romantic relationship, why don’t we stand up and say something? As a SHINE Girl community, you have created a strong tribe by sticking together and protecting each other. So, why are there still unhealthy situations in teen dating and relationships? I think it is because we haven’t had enough instruction to “SUP” and once we do, all of us can all stand up for ourselves and each other.

In the world of relationships, SUP stands for:

Safety. Unity. Personal Responsibility.

Safety starts with recognizing what is unhealthy or abusive behavior. To make it easier to understand and recognize, I describe it as “Repeated mistreatment, where one person uses manipulations to gain and maintain power and control over another person.” These are the dangerous rapids we have to recognize so we can successfully navigate and avoid them. Rapids can look like one person treating the other with:  Continue reading Stand Up & Say Something

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If You Don’t Own Your Power & Control…Who Does?

PART FOUR: GAIN AND MAINTAIN POWER AND CONTROL
We define abuse as…”Repeated mistreatment, where one person uses manipulations to gain and maintain power and control over another person.”

For unhealthy people, the biggest commodity isn’t money, fame or status…it is Power and Control. They desire Power and Control over everything in their life including other people. They never want to be the underdog or abused, harassed or mistreated by others so they adopt a “the best defense is a good offense” mentality.  By using manipulations they take away your Power and Control so they can dominate over you and you can’t be a threat or an obstacle to them getting their way. It’s a negative form of self-protection that is based on a deep-seated feeling of unworthiness. Often the need to self-protect, even for the harasser/abuser, is based on personal experience with trauma, hardships, abuse, or overt life challenges. What they really want is a deep feeling of self-worth. When they don’t have the skillset to obtain true self-worth, they often use their money, fame or status as bullying tools to get what they truly want….Power and Control over their own lives and confidence in their worthiness…all part of what we call “Authentic Health.”

Feeling a lack of Power & Control stems from unhealthy thinking which includes:
* Never Again Mentality
* Limited Supply Beliefs
* What Mirror Are You Looking Into?

Building Authentic Health means no one can ever take away or diminish our own Power & Control. Here’s how:
* Protect with Health Boundary Lines (HBL)
* Pull Purple Threads & Push Flip-A-Dip! (Turning negative self-talk into positive reinforcement.)
* Promise to SELF (Secure. Ethical. Loving. Fearless.)
* Practice Strength (Self-Aware, Self-Check, Self-Control & Self-Less) where you learn to calmly and confidently Respond vs React out of fear, anger or intimidation. (Fight/Flight/Freeze)

Contact us to learn how to build and strengthen your Authentic Health. When you have Authentic Health you own your Power & Control…and no one can take it from you!

Everyone deserves to live free of harm, harassment, and un-health. Everyone deserves to be their best self and live a life of health and happiness.  We can show you how!

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The Power of a Single Person

PART TWO: ONE PERSON

The power of one person behaving negatively can be incredibly destructive. The power of another person speaking, acting and living positively and pro-actively is magnificently constructive.

We define abuse as…”Repeated mistreatment, where one person uses manipulations to gain and maintain power and control over another person.”

* Notice we didn’t say the word “abuser” but one “person.” Why?! Because typically calling someone an abuser, makes them harder to spot. Your brain doesn’t want to believe your boss, teacher, parent, neighbor or coach could be an abuser so it prevents us from seeing the person in that light. People tend to think an abuser will be easy to spot because they look creepy, ugly, sinister…right? WRONG! Many abusers are talented and have learned how to make themselves harder to detect by developing successful lives, charming personalities, and attractive outward appearances. They often present one personality in public and another one behind closed doors.

* Other words for abuser include: harasser, neglecter, tormenter, manipulator and bully.

* If something feels off about your interactions with someone, trust your gut! Your intuition is ringing warning bells for you. Learn to recognize them.

* People who mistreat others do it one-on-one. By making another person physically or emotionally alone or isolated, they have more influence and intimidation, especially if they are in a higher position. Boss to employee. Coach to athlete. Parent to child.

* When someone, especially a child, confides in you about an incident with someone…listen to them! Violations typically come from a person of authority and those who are considered trustworthy like a teacher, coach, friend of the family, family member, boss or neighbor. Too often the person harmed isn’t believed. It takes bravery to come forward. Be a safe person for others to tell their experiences to. You don’t have to have the answers but be an open ear and direct them to professional help from a counselor, human resource specialist or crisis center advocate.

* Knowledge is Power…keep on learning! Prevent. Protect. Provide Support for Others.

We love hearing from you! Please leave your comments, insights, feedback, and questions. You can also email or call us with your personal experiences with repeated mistreatment.

Please remember, you are not alone. We care about you! We are here as a support to you while you learn more about all forms of abuse. We are also here with encouragement as you move along your path to Authentic Health!  

720.219.3631 or contact me directly at Abigail@AbigailGManning.com

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Redefining is the Key to Easily Recognize Unhealthy Behaviors

In the next four blogs, we will be walking through our definition of abuse which includes unhealthy behavior, harassment, neglect, bullying, and mistreatment. By clearly defining the problem it is easier to recognize, understand and prevent all forms of abuse.

We truly care about you and encourage you to live your best life. No one ever deserves to be abused, mistreated or neglected. It is our intent to provide the skills to help you create the fulfilling life you deserve!

We define abuse as…“Repeated mistreatment, where one person uses manipulations to gain and maintain power and control over another person.”

PART ONE: REPEATED MISTREATMENT
* This means it happens more than one time…it’s repeated! There is a pattern or a cycle to the mistreatment.

* Mistreatment is typically one of the “Big 5” forms of abuse: Psychological, Verbal, Physical, Sexual or Financial. Throughout the life-span of a relationship, the mistreatment often changes in intensities going from mild to severe and everything in-between. It also changes forms…bouncing from one type of the Big 5 to another. By using different forms and intensities, it makes it harder to track and more confusing for the person being mistreated to recognize a pattern. That’s the offender’s point…to confuse you!

* People debate which form of abuse is “worse”…trust me, they are all “worse!” Examples include: “She just belittles me all the time, it’s not like she’s hitting me.” “My father hit me a lot but it wasn’t as bad as my friend who experienced sexual abuse.” Justifying, minimizing and comparing any negative behavior is a form of self-protection. Fear will make many of us bury our heads…but that continues the cycle of abuse. All forms of abuse are unacceptable and by knowing how to pro-actively address the mistreatment, the abused is empowered to successfully face the fear and end the cycle.

* Mistreatments start small (think of it as them testing the water to see how you will respond) and grown big. They ALWAYS grow big. There are warning signs but most of us haven’t been trained to recognize them…until now!

* Side Note: Assault includes physical contact and does not always have warning signs and certainly does not need to be repeated in order for it to be abuse.

We love hearing from you! Please leave your comments, insights, feedback, and questions. You can also email or call us with your personal experiences with repeated mistreatment.

Please remember, you are not alone. We care about you! We are here as a support to you while you learn more about all forms of abuse. We are also here with encouragement as you move along your path to Authentic Health!  

720.219.3631 or contact me directly at Abigail@AbigailGManning.com